Tuesday, September 25, 2012

So I sat on the front porch trying to get some sun on my face, and I watched a man walk by with his fishing pole, a backpack and a coffee. I thought to myself how nice it is to be on your way to go do something you love.  Simple. People do things they love all the time but I don't think much about it. Actor are doing what they love. Parents, teachers, artists, and the list goes on and on. He didn't need anyone to go with him which made me feel a little envious. I thought about all the stuff I like to do and began to think maybe I am not so simple. I actually don't like to do much by myself. I will if I have to. I am secure in the fact that I don't "need" anyone to things with me, but I most definitely PREFER to have a friend or family member tag along. I don't know why I automatically assume this is a sign of weakness or insecurity. Does even thinking that itself make me insecure? So I thought about the things I love to do and how many have been alone and there were only a few. Going to the movies, scrap-booking in my kitchen, running down the bike path. Most everything else I have had some one come or I didn't do it. I now think this is not an insecurity or a weakness. It's just more fun. It's more fun when friends join in and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be connected and share in an experience with others.

I did another Warrior Dash a couple weeks ago at Gunstock Mt in NH. I actually was able to get a friend, but another friend (who got hurt just before and couldn't run), her husband, and 2 people who work in her office. My husband even jumped in. Although he said he would only do it once for the experience he had no interest in running around to all these mud runs. He said "that's your thing". Well, It felt so good to be with a bunch of people and be able to talk about it and compare notes and give different perspectives. I feel nothing wrong with wanting to part of group at all. I found the Wickedmuddy.com folks and have joined the team for a Adventure 5K race that hasn't happened yet but I was so nervous about meeting up with a large group of people I have never met. Now, not so much. It will be fun.

 The Warrior Dash course was the hardest yet because we had to go up and down the mountain 2 times. Not happy about the up at all. But the obstacles were easy and fun. I flew going down the mountain to try to make up some time. My only complaint was the giant slip and slide. Apparently it was on top of concrete and rocks. Why in the hell they would do this is beyond me. I guess that's why they make you sign a waiver! So my butt slammed every rock on the way down and even received a few small gashes as a result. Didn't see that till I got home. At the bottom of the slip and slide there were a ton of rocks you skidded over bare bottom because of the momentum you build up going down made it impossible to actually stop yourself at the end. OUCH!
 But we had a blast, we got our free beer although it was gross (Bud light) and my husband got hooked. He got home and jumped on the computer looking for more races! It felt good to have my husband part of something that had just been "my thing" up to that point.

Darling Hubby!

Now the flip side. I feel when I do these I can because I eat right and exercise. Having Fibro 2 years ago had me flat out and barely walking anywhere without feeling like I was going to die. If I didnt work so hard at trying to be healthy and pretend  like I don't have Fibro I would NOT be doing this. And its hard. Its hard reading labels and saying no to things you want and looking on line and asking doctors questions. But if you think you are worth it you will do it.
The last 2 days I have been in so much pain walking hurts. Talking hurts, and I'm moving so slow I am hardly getting anything done around the house at all. I was in bed all last night. I cannot believe I am the same person who does these 5K's. I just can't. It seems impossible the body I am in now is the same body that runs?! REALLY? How does that happen!  I know it's okay to take it easy but this is sh*t I hate about Fibro. One day you're good, the next a zombie. IT SUCKS! You feel alone, depressed, wishing it will end when it never can. It's a head game how some days you feel so good then it reminds you"HA HA" I'm not going anywhere. So I have engrossed myself in a new Facebook page to try to help myself and other people going through this know they are not alone. I'm hoping after I get my personal training certificate I can give even more advise.I'm trying to encourage. I'm trying to be positive, and also let people know there are people WHO FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. This thing has a horrible habit of making you feel alone and that NO ONE could possibly know what its like. But we do. WE ALL DO. So I will rest on my bad days, be my best on my good days and enjoy this wonderful new family I have found on Facebook. Who would have known?!


  1. Dawn, i am so impressed, just can't believe you are doing this...it is so beyond me and my gentle stretcing. LOL!

  2. I don't know how you ran a 5k, that's amazing! Now I'm going to check out your facebook page =)

  3. Thanks guys! It is hard work I have to say. I cant believe it sometimes but I don't want to let the Fibro win so I do everything I can to kind of slap it int the face. But, like the past couple days, sometimes I get slapped back. That's okay. I accept it, rest, get better and move on. That's all we can do right? Get up everyday and start over again:)