Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I walked the walk

I did my 5k Saturday and I stuck to the plan of alternating running/walking so as not to put too much stress on my body. It was a little disappointing that I even had to do that. I wish I was in a place I was a year ago, or 4 years ago. But I am not. And so goes on with the lesson of acceptance. I did it, I finished, and only 2 and half minutes off from my time last year when I ran the whole way. So in that respect I am proud of myself, but I still have some internal embarrassment  that my health had deteriorated to the point where I had to walk at all in the first place. I don't know if this is because I just cant accept  that my old body is gone, or if its just a momentary feeling because I wasn't as fast as least year, but in any even I finished. I raised a lot of money for Special Olympics and my family is proud of me. I don't like when people call and ask me to do things that I cannot do because of my back, or whatever ailment of day might be plaguing me. It makes me feel like I have to explain my no answer and wonder if they think I'm making it up. I wonder if they even remember when they call that I have become much more physically limited than I have been. That's isolating. Feeling like everyone ele can do things I used to be able to do. Today I need more spoons. I cooked, I cleaned, I organized some photos for an upcoming show, had one day care kid and now I'm blogging. Dear lord I still have to do showers and bedtime routines   At least today I am in good spirits and my back only hurts a little. Oh yeah..and nothing went numb today..so there's that.

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