Monday, November 3, 2014

When you have a bad day...

When you have a bad day you feel weak, embarrassed, old, inferior and unequal. 

Even though I expect it, I explain it to people, and I know intellectually that it happens, I still get surprised and extremely frustrated when I get hit with a bad day. I have come to think that if I am not in a flare I am having a good day. Period. And since it is so long in between flares, I sometimes even feel I may be getting "better". Then emotionally, even after 10 years I am confused and a little shocked. I get angry. I get discouraged and I wonder if its something I ate, if I did too much house work, have too much stress or didn't take all my vitamins and my med. Head games. 
I can do a 5K. I can leg press 200 pounds. I can demolish a pantry cabinet and set up a new one. I can spend all day on my feet in the kitchen baking bread, cookies and cooking dinner.
                   Yup Yup

When I have a bad day I can barely walk to the bus stop without having to sit down after and recuperate. Just carrying the laundry basket up one flight of stairs makes me so winded that I feel like my chest might cave in on itself. I stand looking at the dishes not having the energy to actually do them. 

 I feel weak like a person of less value. Why? I am not insecure. I am not less than. I know none of that is true. But I have always felt my strength helps define me. I have always done the handy work and yard work, painting the house, and hanging with the guys. I have built things, used the table saw, lifted weights and just generally felt very independent.  Part of me feels special that way, and that I should hold myself to a higher standard. That's not true . We are all human and we cannot be perfect. Thats why they say "we are our own worst enemy". No one is harder on us than we are on ourselves and we need to just stop!! 
But I think secretly we all want to be perfect, and just can't admit it. So way down, where we never look, there's a place that still gets devastated when we have reality remind we are NOT.
When we have a bad day and cannot do what we want or once could, its like being punched in the gut with  a Mjolnir.
We miss out on events and feel like an unavailable spouse or parent. There's guilt and shame. Disappointment and anger.
When you have a bad day there's a lot more to it than just staying bed, and it all can make you feel worse. So I still, after 10 years, take all my own advice I give to others and try to accept more often than not, that some of this out out of my control. It cannot ALL be controlled with diet and exercise, sleep and meds. 
Breath, rest, save your emotional and mental energy. Think positive and plan for a better day.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Rhode Island ComicCon Controversy 2014

I am NOT going into the various things that happened at Rhode Island ComicCon on Saturday (11/1/2014)
There are endless posts and tweets, blogs and journals who have write ups and you can find them anywhere.
#RICC #ricomiccon and the best one #ricomicconfail2014
 For us it was partly a disaster, but mostly a good experience. We got off lucky compared to the thousands that had MAJOR issues. We did wait in the cold and rain for about an hour. I did almost miss one photo op. The kids did get frustrated being herded like cattle through the exhibition hall. The crowd was overwhelming and at times seemed unsafe, suffocating and things could easily be missed.  (over capacity). But there were Supernaturals I wanted to see and a Supernatural panel I wanted to attend so I sucked it up.

 the kids got to meet and get an autograph from Mick Foley.
 I got Jim Beaver
 And Mark Sheppard

I did NOT know J. August Richards was going to be there. I was pleasantly surprised. He was So nice I almost got giddy.

OMG how cute?!?!

So here is the most interesting part of the entire experience. On the way out of the parking garage I saw a Groot costume in the trunk of a car and I screamed "Groot,..Groot". My husband stopped the car and I said "Oh my Gawd that's so good it's ridiculous!! A woman walked over and said it was hers. She said she was a makeup artist and they were supposed to be in the costume contest at the ComicCon and then couldn't get in. (Again, more issues I won't get into here) Turns out her name was Hillary and she had all the Guardian costumes!!
 I was heartbroken for them and couldn't stop thinking about them all night into the next morning. I decided to vent my frustration on twitter along with the rest of the disgruntled con goers. She is grateful for bringing attention to it, and I am a little excited that my pictures got posted in some articles on the con!
My original Groot picture
My original Rocket picture

Bleeding Cool article
From We The Nerdy
So needless to say being part of such a big event both good and bad was a little exciting for a couple days.

Groot was Wronged! Robbed. Shut out and displaced! 

Yet Hillary stayed composed, after 600 hours of work and additional prep, she thanked everyone, never said a bad word about the RI ComiCon and she's just a nice person. Oh and awesome at her job to boot!  Need a make up and fx person get in touch with her and her team
I mean look at these!!! WHAAAAT!! 


Best article yet on The Gahlik!! 
Anime Herald
Providence Journal 
Convention Center says refunds??...hhhmmm..we'll see

On the fibro side of the event, it was total torture. Standing for hours, inching along up against strangers, the noise and smells were just too much most of the time. My head was pounding, that made my neck hurt, and I had to pretend it wasn't that bad so my kids and hubby had a good time without listening to me complain. At one point I almost fell over from back pain and really wished I had crutches or a wheel chair. I wanted to cry. (I was on the inside ) I had to wiggle stretch and fidget, take aleve and hope it would be over soon. Ha, that turned out to be wishful thinking. I dont think Ill do that again unless its somewhat small. Its just too much.