Boston bombings=Boston Strong

I did not want to join the millions blogging and posting about the Boston marathon bombings. I still don't so I will keep this brief.

I found this and was immediately teary eyed because someone was able to put into words what I have been feeling for a week. Looking for motivational quotes for Facebook pages led me to this...who knew I'd be compelled to post about something so tragic..but I have to tell you a little about what has been going on. We know how severe pain can be all because of stress. I am a huge example of that, time has shown my body refuses to move if I can't control my stress level. No if and's or but's about it. Stress can cripple someone without fibro!
Anyway to my point... I am from Boston, and a runner when my body allows. Although I was safe and sound at home having turned down an invite to go watch (thankfully!) the bombing left me stressed and distressed in a way I have not felt since 9-11. I have had a lot on my plate, emotionally, physically, and mentally. This attack added an additional struggle for me intellectually and morally. How, why, and also  trying to explain it to my kids in a way that did not scare them...it was shutting me down. I was tired, sad, hurting, alienated friends, dismissed my husband, took no supplements, ate crap food, had trouble sleeping, and even housework fell by the wayside because I simply could focus and get myself together. The relief I feel with the capture is like 100 pounds lifted off my shoulders.
Although I have much to complain about, I have more to be thankful for and my pain seems bearable compared to those directly effected. I cannot imagine, nor even pretend to, what those families and victims are going through. How long it takes to pick the pieces up and move forward. But I cannot dwell on it for fear of crying in bed everyday. Having empathy is supposed to be a great and admirable human quality but sometimes it causes pain too great.

 To hurt so badly for a person you may never even meet, for your city, and for a family, is both a blessing and a curse. 

I'm not just tired, I'm "Fired"~Fibro-Tired

Tired of the backache
Tired of the heating pad
Tired of  silencing my moans getting up off the couch
Tired of pulled muscles
Tired of ringing in my ears
Tired of muscle stiffness
Tired of popping pills
Tired of neck pain
Tired of complaining
Tired of forgetting where I was going
Tired of feeling weak
Tired of simple chores taking hours and days
Tired of  not being able to focus
Tired of  not being able to sleep
Tired of  not being able to wake up
Tired of explaining
Tired of simple tasks causing pain that lasts for days
Tired of  the headache
Tired of  the burning
Tired of cancelling plans
Tired of the doctors office
Tired of  the muscle spasms
Tired of   forgetting what I was saying
Tired of  moving
Tired of  of staying still
Tired of  feeling guilty
Tired of  having to be strong
Tired of the vision problems
Tired of walking like an 150 old person
Tired of the anxiety
Tired of ALL the pain

Tired of being Fired

"Keep Moving Forward" and Don't Stop Dancing!

I wanted to share this short video clip I took this morning in the kitchen. It is dark and snowing, the kids have no school. I was thinking about my aching body and all the things I have to do, plus the things I wont get done because kids are home. I happened to look up at the window where I have 2  cheap dollar store "SOLAR POWERED" sunflowers. My pitiful attempt at making the kitchen not so depressing first thing in the morning. Bear with me I have a point here!

Sunflowers

If you notice one is moving a lot, and the other..not so much. The one on the right is facing outside. The on the left is facing the kitchen. The one facing the window is dancing it's little heart out even though to MY eyes, there is clearly no sun to be seen today. Ah hah...see where I'm going with this?!

I think of us with chronic pain and how we cannot see the sun some days. We cannot feel the sun some days. It's covered by clouds, snow, or rain is blocking it out.. It's dark and cold, outside and in our heart. It's  painful and exhausting in our bones and in our daily life, and therefor we are tempted to stop moving. Stop "dancing".

Even when we can' see it, we have to have hope that things can get better and "Keep Moving Forward."

So take a lesson from a little sunflower.

Just face the sun. Face the day. Face your life. Don't turn your back on any of it because even if you can't see it with your eyes, and you may not be able to feel it on your face, the sun is there. Every day. Without fail. And if you face it, it just might help you to dance a little!

Poetry by Fighters!

I have wondered when I write why I think of things to say that would never come out in daily conversation. Why some words and phrases are only used when writing deepest thoughts in this form of creative expression called poetry  Will people think you odd, weird, emotional, out of touch? Maybe. If you put it in a poem are you now a creative genius? Maybe. Sometimes pain and suffering can bring wonderful things out of our souls just as happiness can. Sounds crazy but I believe its true. That.s why we have books, music, movies and poetry all born of pain, loss, despair, struggle and suffering. I asked members of my Fibromyalgia/CFS Fighters  Facebook page for poetry submissions  I only  received a few but they are great ones, pulled a couple off a fibro site and gave them their credit and although I am late in posting because I had so much on my plate, here they are. Thank you for sharing you guys!

Terri Been

Hi....My Name is Fibromyalgia, and I’m an Invisible Chronic Illness.

I am now velcroed to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyhow I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I’m in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.  

Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you, and gave you Exhaustion. Try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and, in its place, gave you Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else
feels normal. Oh, yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away, too. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons:
That virus you had that you never recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I’m here to stay!

I hear you‘re going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I’m rolling on the floor, laughing. Just try. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away, told to think positively, poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not
taken as seriously as you feel when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is every day.  

Your family, friends and coworkers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I’m a debilitating disease. Some of they will say things like “Oh, you are just having a bad day” or
“Well, remember, you can’t do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago“, not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago. Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them
understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a “Normal” person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next!

In closing, (I was hoping that I kept this part a secret), but I guess you already found out...the ONLY place you will get any support and understanding in dealing
with me is with Other People With Fibromyalgia.

"It's going to be okay" ~ Anonymous

Dream your dreams beyond another unknown tomorrow. It’ll be okay…. Dream what we all believe to be awaiting us as we go yet another step farther. It’s okay…. We can then wait for our destinies to lead us into something that has to be so much larger. It‘ll be okay…. We will then find light and existence waiting for all of our spirits, if we can just co exist with those all around us. It’ll be okay….

For we know not of the dreams that are still yet to be recognized and then in our time re-discovered. It’ll be okay…. Deep within our hearts that have become over the years so empty and intellectually shallow. It’ll be okay…. Then finally finding ourselves living by life‘s endless rules that seem to eventually always have to be followed. It’s still okay….

While living within the memories being performed by the life you take for granted. It’ll be okay…. Living as though we are all guaranteed to be alive through out the end of each and every day. It’s still okay…. It will only allow you more time for those dreams to finally have their own way. It’ll be okay…. So as you close your eyes tonight, just know that you need not be afraid. It’ll be okay…. 

Tonight is just the ending to a once lived moment we like to call today. It‘s okay…. So leave behind all of your unnecessary pain and just do your best to try and refrain. It’ll be okay…. These new feelings of ease are yours to keep if you choose to let go of all of your sorrow. It’s going to be okay…. Which means you won‘t have to steal them anymore, they are now yours to permanently borrow. It’s still okay…. 

Say out loud what you feel as though you must say. It’s okay…. The sun won’t forget your eyes tonight as you slowly drift away. It’ll be okay…. Tomorrow you will once again look back upon this illusion we now call today. It’s going to be okay…. So let it remain as just another image within a meaningful reflection of a once lived yesterday. It’ll be okay….What more do I have to say, it‘s time to once again pick up that ball and re-learn how to play. It’ll be okay…. Don’t let life’s mysteries and miseries stand in your way. It‘ll be okay…. Just roll up your sleeves and don’t let anything get in your way. It‘s going to be okay…. Just smile and always look away. I told you it would be okay….

Darkness to Light

Falling down, too weak to fight
Feeling blind, can't see the light
Always walking in dark shadow
Never seeing the sun's warm glow
Life has long passed me by
Too overcome to even cry
Never living my dreams
Only creating silent screams
Someday maybe life I will live
All past hurts be able to forgive
Forget about all the past strife
Able to get on with my life
Once more the sun will shine
Walking in that light, so divine
A glory to behold
The wonder that is me extolled

Tammi Harrison

Annette

I Wear A Purple Ribbon
Fibromyalgia

A silent killer with no face.
A thief within the night.
A constant battle for my life
A bitter evil fight.

The scars remind me of the day
It knocked at my souls door.
It tried to rob me of my strength
It left me on the floor.

To survive, I had to sacrifice
My legs and even my back
It showed no pity as it snatched
These things without a care.

I started to give up my fight
I felt I could take no more
Then God reached down and
Gently picked me up off the floor.

He wiped my face and blew my nose
Just like my mama use to do.
He said don’t cry my child
For I have things in store for you.

I did not bring you all this way
to leave you high and dry.
I love you and you are my child
So hold your head up high.

There is nothing that I cannot fix,
No pain I can’t erase.
Have faith and know that I am here
There is nothing you can’t face!

So then I threw my hands up high
And gave God all his praise!
For my soul has been uplifted
And my SPIRIT has been raised!

I’ll fight this fight with
Fibromyalgia
And I know I will be fine.
For God said it and I know its true,
That VICTORY is mine!!

Cori

You torment me from deep withinAll the way to the outside of my skin You scrape my bones and pull my hair I cannot see you but know you are there. You keep me awake at night And make my muscles painfully tight It’s you that I fight Fibromyalgia this painful disease Someone find a cure please You make my fingers cramp in pain Oh yes you are the one to blame My minds a blur I can’t even speak You are the one who makes me so weak I try to walk, to stand, to play Only to have to sit or to lay. I’ve suffered in silence for to long this time I don’t care who hears me whine Fibromyalgia is ruining my life Good thing I have the will to fight You cause me unimaginable pain and tears How can I go on like this for many more years I take my pills but they don’t work anymore My whole body is screaming and is still so sore I lose things, I forget, I cannot understand Sometimes I feel my mind is in another land. Please have patience with me I suffer with an invisible disease. I may look okay But today is not a good day This morning I couldn’t walk, Tonight I won’t be able to talk. I get up each day And fight and struggle to find my way I try so hard But feel as though my body is under bars Fibromyalgia is making me feel this way Someday there will be a cure and I won’t have to live this way for one more day Sweet Darkness Life's tuff deal with it That's what I hear from you every day Well I'm sick of dealing with this shit Just take the pain away Can't deal with this anymore Tired of living with it What else could be in store? Gonna give up say Fuck it and quit Why should I bother to care Why punish myself by going on? Everything's nothing but despair Oh God I don't want to see another dawn Not if life has to be like this Just let me fall into a forever sleep Let me fall into the dark abyss Held forever in it's sweet keep

Tammi Harrison

Suffer from chronic pain? Staying active anyway? We would love to meet you!

Are you a runner, cyclist, or competitor in in a sport? Do you have chronic pain from Arthritis, CFS, ME, Pots, Fibromyalgia or any other pain condition? It's sometimes hard for people to understand that what you do may be twice as hard, or take twice as long. Some may never grasp the sheer determination  and energy it takes just for you to keep up, never mind exceed any goals you may have set for yourself. Sometimes feeling guilty about being able to do so much is one thing I struggle with personally  I see every day people who can barely move and are in great pain and I hurt for them,and think of them all when I am running. I have worked hard for it, sometimes to point of tears, literally. Crying and running! But in the midst of feeling so proud is some sorrow and guilt,  knowing others may never get there. But each of us has our own struggle. And I am finding that being active makes my struggle  a little less painful and a lot more fun. We are looking to connect  with others in the same position. I started RunningWith.org with my husband to try to bring together others like me, either to race together, communicate about struggles or just to know we are not alone out here on this journey.Whether you are in Texas, Florida, Canada, Massachusetts or anywhere we would love to connect with you and hear your story. Hear how you manage physical fitness in the face of chronic pain. What motivates you, how do overcome the temporary setbacks?
Find us. Join us. We would love to meet you!
Dawn

Fibro Dental Problems

Fibro Dental Problems

Things people without chronic pain take for granted

We know we have pain, we know people who don't have pain can't understand fully the depths to which it reaches. Instead of complaining about all the things we have to rearrange, suffer through, plan for and deal with..I have decided to put it in the form of a list that's easy for people to read. And those of you who don't suffer I ask, can you deal with this?

• Changes in eating patterns, too much or too little. Weight gain and weight loss. New food sensitivities causing stomach pain, headaches, rash, muscle pain. Never knowing if what you are eating will make you worse.
• Changes in sleep patterns. Never being able to fall asleep at night no matter what you try. Being tired all day long no matter what you try. 
• Lack of sleep impairing your judgement and mental focus.
• Major differences in daily life include:
• Cooking and Cleaning.
• Talking on the phone
• Driving
• Showering: Even water hurts your skin, holding your head back to wash your hair can be impossible. 
• Going to the bathroom
• Carrying heavy laundry baskets
• Pushing heavy carriages in the store
• Reaching for things or stretching causes a charlie horse, muscle cramps, or muscle spasms.
• Bending over to tie shoes or put socks on hurts or pulls muscles
• Having muscle pain that never ends day in and day out. Sometimes so severe it cripples you and confines you to the bed, couch, or house. You cry, you ache, and beg and plead and pray for it to end and it never does. 
• Trying to find a doctor educated enough to help you rather throe meds at you. Or worse have to go from one to another because they don't believe you at all.
• Unable to sit for long periods of time. Playing  on the floor or doing homework with children, hobbies, even watching tv becomes a painful task
• Unable to stand for long periods of time. 
• Unable to walk around for long periods of time.
• Work becomes compromised. 
• Relationships become strained.
• Day trips, vacations, live shows, walking around the mall, even grocery shopping have to be limited and planned.
• Constantly trying new medications that don't work. When you find one that does work and you start to feel better and have relief it stops working and you have to go back to try something new. 
• Forgetting things in mid sentence, people names or where you were driving to.
• Taking one pill for pain, another because that makes you nauseas, another because that makes you tired, and another because that one causes headaches and ...really do I need to go on?
• More prone to injury and illness, and slower recovery time afterwards.
• Symptoms get worse, then better, then worse and there is no predictability to it other than being unpredictable
• Never being able to get treatments that may help because they are too expensive and insurance doesn't cover it.
• Exercise habits change. Your body can no longer do what you want it to. You push and push because you have the drive and determination and then suffer for 3 days afterwards because it causes your body to flare. Some days you can run a mile, and some days just getting up the stairs gets you winded and causes back pain.
• Bright light  and loud sounds hurts your eyes and head
• Pulling muscles at random times for no reason. Getting bruises easily even when you don't remember bumping into anything.
• Feeling good and doing things you have neglected, only to be in severe pain because of it.
• Being in relentless pain, your body is on fire, and no one can even see it on the outside.
• Knowing there is no cure and no treatment 

• Psychological distress
• Stress
• Depression
• Frustration
• Guilt
• Impaired memory
• Anxiety
• Headaches/migraines
• Digestive disorders
• Muscle aches, pain and stiffness and burning
• Weakened immune system
• Too tired or too painful to enjoy sexual relations
• Being misunderstood
• Financial devastation
• Lack of interest in things or people
• Heightened sensitivity to light, sound, taste and textures.

So I am going to ask you again. Can you deal with this? 

Is PMS a Myth?

I don't agree with this research at all.  I know for a fact I am meaner, fall asleep on the floor tired and I inhale everything I can find in the house to eat for about a week before I actually get "it". And when I say mean I really mean pissed at everyone all the time for no reason, on top of Fibro pain..watch out!!! I am not pleasant to be around. But I do agree with the part that says when you use PMS as an excuse people might not take your feeling seriously, but in my case that's okay because I may end up divorced if my husband took my feelings during that week seriously!!!

Is PMS a Myth?