Stay at Home? (You don't have to tell me twice!)

Stay at home advisory. Still working for me!!

Today is 28 days since we were told to stay home because school was closed in neighboring towns (the first time). We were originally supposed to stay be closed for 2 weeks until March 27th. Then it was extended to April 7th.
 I wont lie the first few days I was so stressed  about work and money it triggered anxiety (more than usual), insomnia, an over consumption of coffee and a lot of depressing thoughts. Mostly because I knew the insurance if approved would be about 3 days pay compared to working a full week. Then March 25th Mass had a  stay at home advisory and schools closed at least until May 5th. Wait what?!

I tried to think positively but it wasn't easy. When I'm at work I want to be home. I think of all the things I could be doing, painting, cleaning, or just laying on the couch letting my body hurt and rest.
SO, mentally I had to recenter myself. It didn't work, but I felt better at least trying to be calm than feeding the stress. Stress is a killer. ( Haven't said that before 👀).

A press conference almost every day, one from The Governor an one from the mayor, then the President started.  The news at 4 o'clock, 5 o'clock, and 6 o'clock with the daily updates on positive test numbers, how many deaths, and social media is mostly people in fear spreading more news about the virus an things they heard to prevent it, treat it, avoid it....SO I switched to decaf, started some online CBT and stopped looking and listening to all that.
Then the approval came from unemployment and although it was not a lot it was better than nothing and I was lucky to have it. Some people were getting nothing. But then I started looking for a job because its just not enough. That's reality. No matter how lucky I am to have it, it does not pay much more than a weeks worth of groceries.

Lots of back and forth with places, also thought of going to offer services if they needed teachers at one of the approved daycare centers allowed to stay open for first responders children. Then didn't want to put myself in harms way deliberately.
Ended up having interview with Amazon, on line then in person. Then the news started telling us how Amazon/Instacart workers are afraid (who isn't!) because they don't have proper ppe. Instacart workers were getting offered big tips to complete orders and then after the deliveries the costumer was changing the tip amount to very low.
WHY are costumers allowed to change the tip amount for up to 3 days after a delivery anyway?! That system seems set up to fail and completely one sided, but  I digress....

Then the more I looked at the training video for amazon the less I wanted to work there. Seems there is no way not to touch everything and stay safely distanced from people, even with masks and gloves, does not seem safe when the alternative is to stay home.
Then the approval of the stimulus package that included an increase in the amount of unemployment so problem solved. Im staying home!


I decided if the mayor had a press conference Id listen to that, and the one 1/2 hour at night with David Muir would be my only dose of news for a little while.

That brings me to today. I finally felt like actually posting more than just some projects.

 I am able to be focused and finish tasks everyday said NO ONE with chronic pain EVER!

Today I finished painting on glass, a mandala that I printed from the Cricut Design space, and that's about all I did. The weather is rain and wind, the lights flickered, oh and I managed writing this. That's not lasting long.

 I'm not sure if I am putting back in the picture frame I took the glass out of or making some other thingymagig to be able to hang it up as a stained glass. Either way its done. I wanted to paint on glass and it was the only available glass. I started 4 days ago then took a break for the masks.

Well more later. Now that I am home and have time, I can update. I think I said that last February. Yikes SMH

Did I have Covid-19 (The Coronavirus)?

Friday March 6 
  That was a normal day.
That night I was exhausted. Beyond regular exhausted or fibro exhausted.
Everything hurt so bad I couldn't move at all once I laid in the bed. I had to grab my phone and text one of my kids to come get the dog to go out.  I barely moved or rolled over at all the entire night. I just lay there in agony. Muscle aches and extreme fatigue prevented me from even getting up for the bathroom which I usually do twice a night.

Saturday March 7                           

  I have no recollection of that day (or night) at all. Yeah I  think that's a bit strange.
Side note: I couldn't remember Saturday by the next Monday!

Sunday March 8 
  That was a normal day other than the fact I wasn't hungry at all until about 3 in the afternoon and only ate something because I felt nauseous. That night again I was in bed early before my kids I was so fatigued. I could not move my body at all. I tried to get up to let the dog out and I was so dizzy I started to fall over. I grabbed the wall, steadied myself then got back in bed. I texed my other daughter this time to come get the dog. Hhmm, no flags yet since all these things have happened before.


Monday March 9
  I woke up very nauseous and dizzy, but when I mentioned it at breakfast to my kids, my youngest said "You always feel sick in the morning". Well, shes kinda right. I always feel sick, and unhappy, and a little terrified wondering if I can even fake it and make it through another week of work. I thought about calling in sick but I wasn't really sick was I?  For me to miss work, even one hour less in a much needed paycheck, I have to be under a bus LITERALLY, so I didn't do that. But, I can suck it up, because that's what I do. My breakfast tasted totally disgusting. I specifically had a conversation with  myself about how many of these breakfast sandwiches I just purchased and what a waste it was if I was already getting sick of them.

When I got to work I let my coworkers know I didn't feel good but I wasn't going to say anything because I did not want to get sent home and lose hours, and to keep their distance.

Side note: We had the stomach bug going through the building bigtime, teachers and kids were dropping like flies for about 2 weeks. My boss was sending people home every day in between people calling out. I was NOT going to be one.

At this time it was the beginning of the freak out about the Coronavirus. We had confirmations in Boston, Natick and Wellesley and Lincoln. Near us in Wayland relatively speaking, but nothing to make us really worry about yet. The only things we discussed were if school shut down would we keep working or stay home with our kids. But if the governor issued a stay at home order we all said we would not be going to work even if we were open. (Sorry boss.)

While the kids (at work) slept I had muscle aches and pain like there I ran a marathon in bad weather AND got run over by a 18 Wheeler. After I filled out parent notes I could not get up off the floor. I had the floater cover me to go in the office and get Advil assuming it was my fibro and or arthritis trying to kill me.

By the time I left at 5 o'clock I was burning up. I had to flap my sweater open and closed to avoid to passing out while I stood there making some copies. One of the bosses actually asked me if I was having hot flashes. I said YES, to which she replied "The heat is on pretty high in here"
Went home and basically sat on the couch all night. Then moved to the bed. Tired, hot, then cold, then passed out.

Tuesday March 10
  Woke up actually sick. Full out nausea.  My insides were shaking like when you have those butterflies before vomiting. I could barely stand up straight. I was breathing heavy ( I say panting like a dog) to catch my breath. I thought about going to work anyway for a second, then laughed at myself at how ridiculous that was. No way was I infecting anyone else AND I wasn't going to make it. Lets be real. I took a bucket with me to drive the kids to the bus stop in case I threw up. I called out of work then went home. Stayed on the couch, bathroom with diarrhea, freezing cold, chills, still on the couch, bathroom, then to bed where I would NOT leave again for almost 48 hours.

I stayed in bed all day except 2 more trips to the bathroom. I felt like I was in a dream, or coma. Thing were fuzzy and I couldn't  tell if it was day or night, or how much time passed, minutes or hours.  I only moved to kick the blanket off when I was too hot, and to put it back on when I was freezing. I was waking up because of sleep apnea all day. 

That was the scariest part.I mean THE SCARIEST thing of all. To stop breathing while your sleeping and wake up gasping for air!!! I mean OH MY GAWD! If you've never been through it, you think you will die. You'll just not wake up one of these times and that's it, its over for good. I thought about going to the doctors, couldn't even move for the phone, and I knew I couldn't even get in the car to go. I thought at one point I was going to die for real, I just couldn't breath. I had to  and lay on my stomach to be able to breath at all. I thought I was not long for an ambulance but then I thought about the $500 emergency visit copay and decided no. Ill just die here in the bed. My family knows I want to donate organs. 

My husband had the day off and says he was checking on me but I don't really remember. I remember he was going to pick up or drop off a child and I said migraine meds and saltines. Took them with a few crackers after he was home and kept feeling the same. I still no idea what time it was. Heard some people talking downstairs in between waking up then it was dark, I was still sleeping. I have no idea if I had any conversations with anyone. I took the migraine pills again later but 2 times as much as I was supposed to and it eventually did make a slight dent in the head pain. The night was a blur other than gasping for air, wheezing and managing to get to the bathroom once. 

I had a migraine, stiff muscles and muscle aches, the sleep apnea, fever, chills, dizziness, dry cough, tight chest and a fear of death. 

Wednesday March 11
  Woke up slightly better but called the doctors anyway. Stayed in bed until it was time to go. Work said to stay home the rest of the week because what I had sounded worse what everyone else had and they were all set anyway. Denied!! I was a little irritated about it because again, I need the money. At the doctors they made me wear a mask which has been standard procedure if you have a cough for a long time now anyway, but if it wasn't they would have  made me wear one because of  Covid. I gave them all my symptoms, they asked if I have been in contact with anyone who's tested positive or shown symptoms. NOPE.

 They diagnosed me with a gastrointestinal virus (stomach bug/flu). I was severely dehydrated and she said that explained the muscle aches, fatigue, dizziness, all over body pain and probably what triggered the migraine. The stomach bug explained the tender belly and diarrhea, nausea and awful stomach noises, and dehydration.
She failed to explain everything else but at that point I didn't care. All I was focused on was getting a note so I could go back to work on Thursday and Friday but she said no. She gave me 24 hours to re-hydrate myself  or else she was going to send me to the er for iv fluids. She said she would write a note on Monday to go back to work on Tuesday if I was better, but not the rest of the week. Denied again!

Thursday March 12th and Friday the 13th slowly on the mend, very little activity. Sitting, resting, only eating soup and crackers. the cough was slowly going away. The dizziness was slowly going away. I was partly thankful I didn't go back to work because other than the fibro flares I used to have that laid me out, I haven't had a rest in a while. A real sit around and do nothing rest. 

I had whooping cough in November and that took me 6 weeks to stop the horrible coughing and I was still at work everyday. Same doctor, and she only said I had to stay out of work 1 day that time.
Late Wednesday work called and said I couldn't go back without a FLU test. OMG what a pain!

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Called the office. I was told my symptoms were not flu like related, I had already been diagnosed with the stomach bug, and they wouldn't give me one. I asked for a call back from the manager/head doctor. He in turn said the same thing, but in addition,  he said they are not doing any mouth or nose swabs at this time because they have no way to protect the staff. I could go to the emergency room if I felt like it but that they wouldn't test me for the flu either because I had no symptoms. Again, not paying the emergency room deductible. 

I told work on Thursday they would give me a flu test, she responded  with "go to the minute clinic". PPFFTT  😡

Friday the 13th I went to The Minute clinic, waited 2 1/2 hours  even though I had an appointment, with actual sick people everywhere, any of which could have actually had the coronvirus, for the flu test. NEGATIVE for A or B. So yeah I can go back to work.

This all makes me wonder (after the fact) if this time, because of covid the doctor didn't want me to  go back to work? Either because they had no tests, I didn't fit the criteria of being in contact with a positive person to get tested (even tough symptoms fit), or she thought I had it and didn't want to tell me, freak me out AND couldn't test me. Who knows, but I wonder why with something that IS contagious she let me go back to work in the middle of flu season, and with the stomach bug she had me out for almost a week in spring?? At this time they are saying a lot of people who test positive for coronavirus also test positive for the flu, and it was taking 2 weeks for most people to get better so I had not really myself contemplated the idea that I would have it. Plus I wasn't near any one that I know of. 

*Update: 4/19/20 We do now know the criteria for getting tested changed a couple times, the availability of testing was always an issue until just recently, and there are many people who had it but never got tested because there wasn't a test available. Also some were told to stay home because there was nothing to do and only come in if it got worse and it became severe enough. Some people had it with such mild symptoms they never went to the doctor or assumed it was a cold or allergies and did nothing about it.

Also Friday March 13th
  Work had so many children out they were getting a count of who wanted to work the next week and who didn't so they could staff appropriately. I said work. I was just out a week I mean really! 

By Sunday March 15th schools closed for 2 weeks, so we were closing on the 16th because of coronavirus, until March 27th. "Stay safe, stay healthy"  Apply for unemployment. WHAT?! Who's paying my bills?

Holy crap! I will be homeless and cant pay rent for sure now. Talk about STRESS!

March 24th we were issued the "stay at home advisory" until April 7th.

March 25th schools were closed until May 4th

March 29th Stay at home advisory until April 30

March 31st Stay at home advisory extended to May 4th

Now is when I think I may have to go back on meds that I have previously gotten off of. 

In between here I decided to start some "coronacrafts". I saw that term somewhere else among others but that was the one i liked best and seemed less to offend anyone. Make the most of being home with my babies while I can, if I didn't have to find a job.

Fun Things to do While Social Distancing 

Unique Activities to do at home with kids during the stay at home advisory

When you procrastinate...for a year!

Well we all know procrastination and lack of energy go hand in hand. Lack of energy and fibromyalgia also go hand in hand. So it should come as no surprise that I have put off even looking at this blog for quite some time. I have great ideas, I write notes, my phone is full of photos, I have dreams of this beautiful post with all these pictures I have taken and then by the end of the day its all fizzled out and I cannot possibly bring myself to do one more thing let alone sit at the dang computer or on the phone. I had a website dedicated to fitness with fibro and I could not maintain it. My husband was originally going to hep and that didn't work. A few friends who do website were going to help and of course that didn't work out either. When I had more time I was able to be focused and get so much done. Even with some bad days or weeks thrown in. I used to read blogs and websites and think  "wow, the last post was a year ago or 2 years ago. Where did they go? Dont they care? What about the readers?"

                                                                       
                                          BAAAAAH

Now I do!

How easy it is for that to happen and how intrinsically I understand it now.
 Now I have no time and with some bad days thrown in there it seems every day only the bare minimum gets done.
Im just surviving. I have no time to share my entire story with the world. Or half my sto...well, even 1/4 of my story.....with anyone.
But I do have some highlights and plans to fill in the blanks when I have a couple days off next week. (best laid plans.....fingers crossed).

Probably the biggest thing is we moved a few months ago into this new house. Its a shade smaller and for someone who's got ADD, OCD and Fibro, it went fairly well. I had no major stress or anxiety issues until a couple days after moving in. (Thats big because we were living out of boxes all summer leading up to the move. More on that later) We left some things at the old place and the hubster got a friend to go get it all. I went over the next day to "clean" and saw there was still a million things left including heavy furniture and so yeah...I had a flip out. I wanted, no, NEEDED to be done at the old place. 

THE OLD PLACE...sounds like a book title. It could be had I desire to write everything down. We were packed in like sardines with our neighbors (not the good kind). It was loud, stressful, we had no privacy, we had constant knocking on the door, lots of foot traffic, car traffic, noise from a bar and also the drunk people staggering down the street after it closed. We had fights we had to call the police for every other month, a half way house, a rehab center, a 7-11 and a liquor store, neighbors who blasted music from their cars at all hours.....I could go on but the kicker was the kids couldn't ride their bike down the street without our thinking they'd get run over or kidnapped. And that's not my anxiety, that's the neighborhood.  

THE NEW PLACE...We have nice neighbors who aren't too close. Our backyard is very large, more long than wide and then goes down into the woods. Its conservation land so no one will build or encroach. Its almost magically quiet with the only sounds coming from various birds. We have deer, turkeys, rabbits and other critters who come to visit. Nov one knocking on the door and the kids can ride around the neighborhood, walk down to a friends house or to the bus, and its all safe. The anxiety level is down from a constant 9 to a 1. Its an unbelievable difference in the actual quality of life. Instead of dreading every noise and waiting on the edge of my seat for the next thing to happen, I'm chillin' with my dog on my lap looking around for things to do.

Stress is a killer. I have posted about it before and I'm sure I will again. 

I started making things to sell on line ie opening an Etsy store. Cant keep up with that either! I was doing well but I got VERY, and I know fellow online sellers no matter what site you use can sympathize, I was getting very annoyed at the people purchasing things an not leaving any feedback. I know feedback is great for myself as a buyer. If I see other people happy I am encouraged to buy. If I see low stars, low purchases, even though I know it could be someone just starting out I get hesitant. It looks like I have sold very little and I feel its not worth all the effort when people take my goods and not post feedback. I have let my listings expire as of late and I feel no motivation to add pictures of the new things because...well...shipping and communication to get no feedback...again it feels pointless. Its not about the money. You want someone to say "hey good work and THANK YOU".

If I get in there and spruce it up I will provide a link soon. 

           

 

 

I have had painted wine glasses, pre-made scrapbook pages, awareness bracelets, awareness magnets and other assorted awareness items.

Im done training (been a while now). NOT forever I hope but...Macros, calories, injuries, demands, late nights on the pc and memory issues are not a good mix at all. I do not have enough energy  to fully maintain at the level I should be able to and that effects my confidence which effects how I carry myself. I still give advice, tips online and occasionally a paid workout but as for clients, I just cant. Do I feel like a failure? Some days. Other days I remember this is my life now. Adapting and changing as the fibro does good or bad, is the way it has to be. 

Started Crossfit. Loved it 10 minutes in and I was hooked. Those who know, know. Its not like anything else. Its just not. You fell strong, confident, you carry yourself differently and feel like you have a secret. Like you're in a secret club for the cool kids and you cant tell anyone because you wont be cool anymore. But you do tell everyone because its so great you want to share it. You want to recruit people, you want to share the high and be proud you opened up new doors for yourself and a friend. It was scary, I was intimidated, but I took my scared arse in there and MADE myself get through a free class....Immediately paid for the next month. Its one of the best things I ever did. You have to try it at least once. 

The only picture I have there, I never bring the phone in #nodistractions

Had surgery on my right shoulder. Had issues for a while, tried everything I could. Ice, heat, magnets, electric stimulation, massage. The doctors of course  ran me around the bases. PT, cortisone injections, ultrasound blah blah...finally I demanded an MRI. Diagnosis: torn labrum , also a little of the  bicep! WTF!! PT wasn't going to fix that. GGRRR

Lets count the number of times I was asked ..

A: "Did you do that a Crossfit?" and B: "are you a pitcher?"

It wasn't as bad as they let on when they finally got in there, "supposedly" but had to scrape the bone and the amount of pain I stayed in for as long as I did after was no joke. That was April. Its now December. Still have pt and although some things are great, some of the important things are not and I am very displeased to say the least. The physical therapist also said "by the way, did they tell you you have arthritis in that shoulder?" BALLS!!! No "they" didn't. She wanted to make me aware that even with surgery and pt I may still be in some level of pain from the arthritis so not to get my hopes sup. FUN STUFF RIGHT? Ever feel like you are surrounded by idiots? My main goal is not 100 percent, but I want to go back to crossfit. Right now I feel like I cant carry my weight. QUITE LITERALLY!!

I think that's enough catching up for now. My brains will explode. I have still been reading, researching, and experimenting. I was given a copy of a book about cfs and fibro to read before it was to hit the shelves (which it has already) so I have a review on that, some supplements and some other things. Wow, Im still amazed at how being so extremely tired  all the time can set you back a millennia.

Lil' Bub Birthday Paw-ty!

Nothing like a good old fashioned birthday to get your mind off pain! 

My 7 year old was turning 8. She wanted a party at home and of course my first thought was 'oh my gawd'. The stress, the cleaning, the errands, talking o other parents, and planning....blegh

But then I realized might be exactly what I needed. Winter depression, pain, and the long wait for spring maybe be dulled a little by the excitement of planning a party. I used to love it, so maybe I can love it again.

I was right.

She is obsessed with Lil Bub and wanted that to be the theme.

Since you can't exactly go to IParty and get Lil Bub decorations, I was left to making my own. I scoured Pinterest and the internet for anything related to cat parties, kitten parties, Lil bub and basically took a few things from here and there. I got ideas, thought of a few things myself and I got it together. 

We printed out lots of pictures of Lil Bub  to use everywhere
(Personal use people!! To "whom it may concern": Dont sue me!) 

Pictures of Bub in frames

A cat mobile with cats from the dollar store around
wooden knitting rings covered with yarn.

Cattails and Pussy Willows around the house!
 Although I only got a "cute" from everyone else, I thought this was hilarious and it tickled me to no end! Sometimes you have to entertain yourself!

  

I weighted the balloons down with balls of yarn and cat toys

Even the bathroom had to be done! (wood burner)

Clay poop and a (NEW!) cat scooper and crinkled paper both from the dollar store

I rolled yarn around different size Styrofoam balls and wooden mini spools and placed them around with toy mice

I printed out Lil bub in different sizes and put them all around the house.

$1 wooden letters from the craft store painted to match  the decor.

"Meow Mix" 

Purr'fect Punch

I made at paw cookies for the kids to take home.

I used my Cricut to cut out "It's A Pawty" letter for the banner

Boas to choose your own "tail"

They picked collars and added beads and cat charms to make "Kitten Collars"


Boy oh boy did they have fun prancing and crawling and meowing around the house. It was much louder than I anticipated, but they had fun and it made all the tedious work pay off.

Called in a favor with some nice old ladies at the local supermarket who pulled this off !!! So cute right?!

The birthday girl was very very happy. There were a lot of little details that were time consuming and back breaking, like making tons of tiny balls of yarn, and hanging them from doorways and ceiling fans, but I did not apparently take pictures of everything. I blame "fog".

I still did stress. Type A's do that most of the time no matter what. Everyday I thought of something new to do and everyday I had anxiety that I would not get it done in time. My hands and fingers ached. I had to use patches, Aleve, heating pads and Icy hot a lot for a few weeks. Getting addresses and making sure people got invitations even seemed draining to me but I kept on because I wanted her party to be great. 

They slept over and after they were all finally gone I just crashed, on the couch...whew..over. It was so fun but also draining. I happened to have had ZERO help getting this all together, and my body paid for it afterwards. But as many things involving our kids ..

#TotallyWorthIt

My middle girl happens to have been born on the fourth of July so every year it's sort of a big deal. Either  a trip to six flags or a lot of shenanigans and a rented bouncy house in the backyard. 

There's only so much you can do in the winter, so I wanted it to be just a big deal for her. Her favorite thing was the T-shirt we made (iron-on) because she can keep "forever". Or...as long as she loves Lil' Bub anyway. She is a pretty cute cat I must say. I wasn't sold in the beginning that I could create an entire party around her, but once I spent a minute reading her story and looking at that cute face I was hooked! And seeing how happy my baby was.....yeah

it was totally worth it!!