Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Struggling with my enemy
I am a victim of my own persecution. I am trying so hard to be like everybody else, knowing it can never happen. I am trying so hard to push through the pain, knowing it will never get any easier. I am dealing with the fact that my body is no longer the same friend to me as it was 7 years ago, but it is slow. I lie. So I guess that means I'm a liar. I lie everyday and say "good how are you" when asked how I'm feeling. Still wanting to be like others. Reading a book written by a Buddhist to find some peace of mind in an otherwise peace-less body. Today I can do what I can at a pace that is comfortable for me and that is all I can do for today.
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I feel the same way when I get depressed. I lie and say I am good when all I want is to cry or hide. Every time it is cold and dark or dark and raining I just want to shrivel up. Thank you for going to the Coffee Loft with me last week when it was cold and rainy. Seeing you and Maelia really did cheer me up!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I did today, I couldn't get out of bed and hubby had to pack lunch and do the bus. The rain and the lack of sun is a killer. That's the first time so far this year so that's good but with winter coming I know it will be more often..ugh
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