In my early 20’s I became increasingly more fatigued than I
had previously been. My concentration was off. My muscles were sore all the
time. I did not sleep well, and felt as though my life was always moving too
fast and it took all my energy to keep up with it. I was trying to juggle a
small child, college classes on and off, parties with friends on the weekend,
and I worked. Sometimes multiple jobs. So when I looked for a reason why I felt
the why I did, it was obvious. The stress of being a young single parent and
all the responsibilities that come with it was always number one on the list.
Working at a health club, babysitting weekend nights and staying up all night
were all next in line. I went to counseling to learn how to manage my life and
although somewhat helpful, I was told I had Adult ADD, that I was bi-polar,
and had manic depressive tendencies. No thanks. I didn't like that but what can I do. They are the doctors right?
Don't they know best? After trial and error for years with multiple
medications, lets face it TONS of medications and lifestyle changes nothing ever really improved. So I gave up.
In my early 30’s when my second child was a year old I came
down with meningitis. After this episode I never seemed to fully recover.
Widespread body pain and fatigue were ruling my life. Most days I was forcing
myself to stay on my feet and get through the day, get chore done and not look weak
or lazy. I was now married and had more responsibility and could not figure out
why life seemed so unfulfilled. Yet another year later the signs of meningitis
reared its ugly head and I was back at the hospital for a second time. Who in the world ever heard of such a thing?! By now I
think I am a medical mystery, an anomaly. I am messed up! I began to do less and less of things
I enjoyed, became anxious in certain situations, withdrew from friends. I
suffered from injuries and winter illnesses that seemed to never want to heal
or go away. Headaches and pain were at an all time high. I finally decided something was wrong with me and it must have been
the meningitis.
I searched the internet, read books from the library and
although I realized I do in fact have ADD, there were too many other
possibilities out there for me to diagnose myself with anything. Finally I
decided I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I knew changing my diet would
be nothing but helpful. I did that and no change really made much of a
difference. In between numerous doctors’ appointments with dismissive answers, my
in home daycare children, foster children and my own third baby, I ended up
having to scale back, and eventually quit everything to just sit home and be
sick. I felt like a failure and a loser. I felt weak and ashamed that my body
could not keep up with everything my heart wanted to do. I gained weight, lost hope and became very angry. In seeing a Rheumatologist
for another injury, he quickly changed his line of questioning, did the tender
point test and diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. I went home searched the
internet to find out exactly what that was and then had my greatest A-HA moment
in years. I was so happy to have a diagnosis that validated me. Now I knew what was wrong all these years! I was not crazy! I was not lazy. I was not being a drama queen and I WAS NOT making it up!! Happy happy joy joy!!
Then I cried. For a long time. Like days..in the shower, in the car, in the bed....It seemed I was doomed to a life of pain with no help or cure in sight. The emotional fallout was much greater and complicated than I can ever put into
words. I ended up on disability and just plain miserable.
At 39 I decided to try diet change again but his time be
more strict. The information was mostly incomplete and contradictory and the only common denominator I found in hundreds of hours of research was diet. Maybe helped a lot or a little but it was obvious that was a factor. No artificial ingredients, no caffeine, gmo, hfs, etc. and as
little processed foods as possible. As clean as I could afford. I even cleaned out the house of chemicals, hair products, tore up carpet you name it. I went all out. This time it
made a noticeable difference. Right away I felt like I had a little more
energy, and I was less heavy, angry and also has fewer digestive issues. I felt
good enough to start running and working out again, where I had done in the
past, but then it became too painful. Shortly after, bringing my youngest to
preschool I met another mom there who was a doctor. We got a little friendly
and after a few of my side handed comments like “I’m always so tired” and
“everything hurts” she said she would
love to see me (as a patient) and try to figure out what was going on. I
declined for a while. Beside the fact that it had the potential to be awkward, I
was suffering from doctor fatigue. I did not want to go through that anguish of
hearing “its tendinitis, I have to lose weight, it will go away eventually, or
all new moms feel like this”. Eventually winter had destroyed me yet again and I figured what do I have to lose?
She did testing no one had ever done before. I had
Fibromyalgia for sure, but also some overlapping Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I
was hypothyroid, and had Adrenal Fatigue. Other side conditions from the high
stress and wacky hormones also developed or had become worse, like TMJ, depression and anxiety. Throughout this
process I discovered it all led back to the birth of my first child. I had been
living with this for an astonishing 22 years, all the while it was getting
worse with every stress or trauma. She put on supplements specific to my needs
based on those tests and a thyroid medication. I exercised a minimum of 30
minutes a day, 5 days a week. It hurt. It was not easy. But every day I could
do a little more and a little more. Sometimes I cried while I ran around the
track, other times I yelled at the tv and cursed the maker of the dvd, but my
it was helping me. I could see it and feel it. And combined with the healthy
diet I felt like a human again. I decided to be in control. If I could not cure
it I would mold it. I was in pain anyway, so I decided I would benefit from it
by building a stronger body for it to live in. Feeling sore from a workout is
mentally and emotionally more empowering than feeling the pain from Fibro
itself.
Although there are “flares” and bad days still, they are happening less and less often. Overall life is much
better. I have less pain and less depression. But those days are fewer and fewer. I was able to start working and
start a support group. I am running and participating in obstacle course races and feel great most days. I started an
organization for people with who suffer with chronic pain who also stay as
active. They get together for events, give support, suggestions and share
stories of accomplishments. I never would have been able to get any of this
done without educating myself, having the support of a good doctor and a
supportive family.
My advice to anyone is to know you are you are important.
Your life matters. No one will fight for you as hard as you will fight for
yourself so do not give up. Keep looking for the right doctor, vitamins, or exercise.
Try everything alternative as well as modern. Know it will most likely be a
combination of things that help, just as it is a combination of things that are
making you ill. It may take months or years but it’s worth it. You have to form
a front of every level. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual so it has no
chance but to back down. I know it hurts. I still cry. I still curse the gods. Its okay.
JUST DON'T GIVE UP!
