YOU MATTER!

Why is it when after a handful of doctors who pat you on your back and send you on your way, do you still hold out hope for the one who will believe you. The one who will help you. That one particular doctor who will understand and not make you feel like a ticket at the deli counter? I say because the human spirit never dies. We want to keep going. We want to  stay connected. We want to feel things like acceptance, happiness, pride, understanding, love, hope, and most of all...we want to be free from pain. NO ONE makes this up as a way to avoid going to work. It's not convenient to be absent from every special event. It's not fun to miss your kids soccer practice, wife's speech, or husbands xmas party. And we certainly would love to go hang out at Starbucks and have a latte with our friends. But sometimes we can't. No matter how bad we want to we can't. Depression is crippling, pain is debilitating, and life as we knew it is broken.
 Humans have the amazing ability of  awareness. The greatest kind, self awareness. It is an ability to know your not being told accurate information. It is an ability to know your body better than anyone else could possibly know it. It is an ability to have the strength to keep going when everyone else is telling you there's nothing left to do. So I say take this amazing ability you have and don't take no for an answer when it concerns your illness or disability. Beg, borrow, barter, or steal as you see fit to get your voice heard. Your spirit is speaking to you and you have to listen, and obey.

YOU MATTER! 

YOU MATTER! 

YOU MATTER! YOU MATTER! YOU MATTER! 

Why I run 5K with Fibromyalgia. (Adventure 5K)

Well I actually don't have an answer to that. I think it may a lot of different things, or combinations of things. But I have no one answer. In theory I like to run. I like how I feel afterwards. Nothing else gives me that feeling of such freedom. Maybe I feel like I am running from my problems. Or I don't think about my problems when I'm running. Is such a stress reliever and the endorphin's kicking in just make you feel so dam good you can get addicted. And I have an addictive personality  If I drink coffee I drink a whole pot. If I want some veggies sticks I eat a whole bag. Still working on that one! I loved my first obstacle race so now I love them all. Maybe that's the reason. It's the new exciting thing right now. A few years ago I was good shape. My Fibro symptoms weren't that bad I was running a lot and going to the gym. I did my first 5K for Special Olympics. My time was good, I was good. I loved it. Then over that winter my symptoms were increasingly worse. I could barely walk fro the kitchen to my bedroom without getting winded. Now I knew what everyone with bad symptoms was complaining about. I was angry, depressed, mad at the world and the doctors. Mad at my husband. Hopeless that I'd be using a walker to watch my kids graduate from high school. So a year later it was Special Olympics time again. I had a sinus infection, newly diagnosed asthma and all my running...well...lets say I wasn't doing any. I did it anyway and wanted to die. Time was bad, I was spitting phlegm all the way, my time was bad, but gave myself am A for effort. Over the next year (extreme change of diet, introduction of supplements (see previous post I don't want to bore you again) new doctor and 8 months later I signed myself up for that first Warrior Dash.  I felt great, my time was great,  it was a ton of fun,and I was hooked.

So now I have done 2 Warrior Dash's, a Lozilu, today was an Adventure 5K, and I have one more Zombie Run and of course...Special Olympics. Then I'm done for the year. As usual I feel guilty that I am well enough to run. I feel like talking about it is bragging  But I earned it. I go to great pains to exercise even when it hurts, I go without plenty of things I want to eat to eat the things I SHOULD. I take about 11 different supplements and natural products everyday and TRY real hard to everything I can good for my body.

So yeah. It's not bragging. It's just reality. This is where my body is at right now. Next year I may not be able to run. I will try to make sure that doesn't happen but we all know the predictability of Fibro is in fact that it is UNPREDICTABLE!

Today my time was just okay, I've been faster and I've been slower but it was mostly trail running and I am not good going up a hill. But the obstacles were easy, the water was cold but my kids were there and it was awesome to see them on my way to the finish line! They even did one of the obstacles after the race was over on the way back to the car and they thought it was "so cool" I met the WickedMuddy.com people there which was nice but they either blew past me or were behind me so I still ended up running alone. it was good because I had no pressure on me to go faster, and I even stopped to help a few people here and there and that was nice too. I felt better helping someone else. I may need it one day:)
So.....Why do I run 5k with Fibromyalgia?

I guess I do it because I can. And because it feels good. And because someday I know I won't be able to. And since we can't always do things that feel good, like sit naked on the beach with a Mojito listening to Bob Marley...this I will do! http://runningwith.org/

Full of COLD water!!

 

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So I sat on the front porch trying to get some sun on my face, and I watched a man walk by with his fishing pole, a backpack and a coffee. I thought to myself how nice it is to be on your way to go do something you love.  Simple. People do things they love all the time but I don't think much about it. Actor are doing what they love. Parents, teachers, artists, and the list goes on and on. He didn't need anyone to go with him which made me feel a little envious. I thought about all the stuff I like to do and began to think maybe I am not so simple. I actually don't like to do much by myself. I will if I have to. I am secure in the fact that I don't "need" anyone to things with me, but I most definitely PREFER to have a friend or family member tag along. I don't know why I automatically assume this is a sign of weakness or insecurity. Does even thinking that itself make me insecure? So I thought about the things I love to do and how many have been alone and there were only a few. Going to the movies, scrap-booking in my kitchen, running down the bike path. Most everything else I have had some one come or I didn't do it. I now think this is not an insecurity or a weakness. It's just more fun. It's more fun when friends join in and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be connected and share in an experience with others.

I did another Warrior Dash a couple weeks ago at Gunstock Mt in NH. I actually was able to get a friend, but another friend (who got hurt just before and couldn't run), her husband, and 2 people who work in her office. My husband even jumped in. Although he said he would only do it once for the experience he had no interest in running around to all these mud runs. He said "that's your thing". Well, It felt so good to be with a bunch of people and be able to talk about it and compare notes and give different perspectives. I feel nothing wrong with wanting to part of group at all. I found the Wickedmuddy.com folks and have joined the team for a Adventure 5K race that hasn't happened yet but I was so nervous about meeting up with a large group of people I have never met. Now, not so much. It will be fun.

 The Warrior Dash course was the hardest yet because we had to go up and down the mountain 2 times. Not happy about the up at all. But the obstacles were easy and fun. I flew going down the mountain to try to make up some time. My only complaint was the giant slip and slide. Apparently it was on top of concrete and rocks. Why in the hell they would do this is beyond me. I guess that's why they make you sign a waiver! So my butt slammed every rock on the way down and even received a few small gashes as a result. Didn't see that till I got home. At the bottom of the slip and slide there were a ton of rocks you skidded over bare bottom because of the momentum you build up going down made it impossible to actually stop yourself at the end. OUCH!
 But we had a blast, we got our free beer although it was gross (Bud light) and my husband got hooked. He got home and jumped on the computer looking for more races! It felt good to have my husband part of something that had just been "my thing" up to that point.

       

Darling Hubby!

Now the flip side. I feel when I do these I can because I eat right and exercise. Having Fibro 2 years ago had me flat out and barely walking anywhere without feeling like I was going to die. If I didnt work so hard at trying to be healthy and pretend  like I don't have Fibro I would NOT be doing this. And its hard. Its hard reading labels and saying no to things you want and looking on line and asking doctors questions. But if you think you are worth it you will do it.
The last 2 days I have been in so much pain walking hurts. Talking hurts, and I'm moving so slow I am hardly getting anything done around the house at all. I was in bed all last night. I cannot believe I am the same person who does these 5K's. I just can't. It seems impossible the body I am in now is the same body that runs?! REALLY? How does that happen!  I know it's okay to take it easy but this is sh*t I hate about Fibro. One day you're good, the next a zombie. IT SUCKS! You feel alone, depressed, wishing it will end when it never can. It's a head game how some days you feel so good then it reminds you"HA HA" I'm not going anywhere. So I have engrossed myself in a new Facebook page to try to help myself and other people going through this know they are not alone. I'm hoping after I get my personal training certificate I can give even more advise.I'm trying to encourage. I'm trying to be positive, and also let people know there are people WHO FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. This thing has a horrible habit of making you feel alone and that NO ONE could possibly know what its like. But we do. WE ALL DO. So I will rest on my bad days, be my best on my good days and enjoy this wonderful new family I have found on Facebook. Who would have known?!

A little Zippity Do Da