AngryGirl.com

Too bad that domain name already taken because I would LOVE to call it mine. I spend so much time being angry. Angry I can't do what I did, go where I used to, have the job I really want, or angry at the body I now have.I am working on letting it go.

 Part of that is to stop blaming everything I DON'T want to do on one of my conditions, and only blame my conditions for the things I really CAN'T do.

There are some things you cannot blame on Fibro, CFS, TMJ, MS, Insomnia or anything else.
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't call you back..did I forget? Well it's possible because my memory is sh*t these days..but no. I just didn't want to talk you!"
No I don't want to rearrange the plans I have had for 3 weeks to give you a ride.
No I'm not able to babysit I have too many things to do right now and I just can't swing it.
I don't have time. My husband will get upset. I'm not going without my kids. I don't have enough gas. I really need some down time with the dog.
And if they are real friends, even if they get a little frustrated or even temporarily pissed, well they will get over it. And if any of this is a deal breaker for friendship..well, then they aren't friends and you don't need them anyway!

BAM! POW! How ya like them apples? 

Sounded angry again? Woops!

Well it seems as though I fall back on my ailments as a reason (NOT an excuse) to get out of things and not participate in things that really will have no bearing on weather I flare or crash or even feel better. 

"I can' sit too long, stand too long, sit in the car too long, lift too much, run that fast, run that far....
That;s too cold, that's too rough, that too itchy and that smells too bad, that makes me dizzy...
That makes my head, wrist, back, knees elbows and ankles hurt too much....
That will give me too much anxiety and I might pass out!"

Well you know what? Sometimes I just dont want to go and I am tired of pretending I want to, but declining for health reasons. Its like the boy who cried wolf. At some point people will catch on that I am not always in such dire straights at the exact moment they require my attention!

Especially when I am posting race pictures or pictures from some awesome cake I just made right?!?!

So I am going to be more true to myself and others. For me those have been little white lies, like work lies, "i'm taking a sick day" to go to a baseball game, or school lies "the dog ate my report" to get an extra few days.....

But I always want people to put themselves first, be authentic. Now I'm not converting to Buddhism (although I have thought of it!),  nor have I had an out of body experience. I will not be going "off" on anything too cray cray...but I will be telling people "I just don't want to" a lot more often. It's freeing, honest, and somehow makes me feel 10 pounds lighter. Just saying "i'm really not feeling it right now, sorry. Maybe next time" OR "I really just need to sit with the dog under a blanket and have some ME time" ,makes me just a little less angry.

That's it. Simple. Try it

Blessings!

Never underestimate the power of stress!

Never underestimate the power of 

 I have seen first hand how I have become crippled by stress, unable to focus, increased pain, and nearly bedridden for weeks at a time. I have lost and gained weight. I have alienated people and lost all interest in things. I have even seen a decline in cognitive skills when stress had been at all time high. Recently the fibro symptoms have been getting worse. Because I have been exercising and eating right, I of course blame the changing of the seasons because, as we know, for many of us winter is the WORST. The cold kills me.

I dispute anyone who tries to debunk that fact, and PLEAD for more research to be done in that area!

Well,  I have just relieved myself of a stressful situation recently, and at first thought it I was just doing something good to relieve my intellectual battles. I was very aware that the constant state of frustration was making me crazy.  But I noticed today as I became empowered to take a trip to NH (I'm in Mass) and visit an old friend, had the energy to do dishes and some other housework and organizing...that I just felt great. Better.  I felt 20 pounds lighter and like a great burden had been lifted. 

The slowly increasing pain I've been having in my neck, the headache I have had for 5 weeks, and the jaw clenching....gone.
Albeit it may come back for other reasons, such is the nature of Fibro and CFS. But it was slowly taking its toll on my body, and I did not even notice.It was not enough to be a direct slap in the face or cripple me on the couch..but it was slowly sucking the life out of me. I was moving slower and slower, feeling older and weaker.
When I said 2 days ago "I'm done"....Poof! Gone!

Like magic!

Stress kills, cripples, changes who are and who you can be. Find ways to avoid it, relieve it, remove and reduce it from your daily life. It will only make you worse and I know you do not want to feel worse. Some of us really cannot carry any more on our shoulders than we already do. 

Hang in there! 

Much Love 

Dawn

I'm not just tired, I'm "Fired"~Fibro-Tired

Tired of the backache
Tired of the heating pad
Tired of  silencing my moans getting up off the couch
Tired of pulled muscles
Tired of ringing in my ears
Tired of muscle stiffness
Tired of popping pills
Tired of neck pain
Tired of complaining
Tired of forgetting where I was going
Tired of feeling weak
Tired of simple chores taking hours and days
Tired of  not being able to focus
Tired of  not being able to sleep
Tired of  not being able to wake up
Tired of explaining
Tired of simple tasks causing pain that lasts for days
Tired of  the headache
Tired of  the burning
Tired of cancelling plans
Tired of the doctors office
Tired of  the muscle spasms
Tired of   forgetting what I was saying
Tired of  moving
Tired of  of staying still
Tired of  feeling guilty
Tired of  having to be strong
Tired of the vision problems
Tired of walking like an 150 old person
Tired of the anxiety
Tired of ALL the pain

Tired of being Fired