Never underestimate the power of stress!

Never underestimate the power of 

 I have seen first hand how I have become crippled by stress, unable to focus, increased pain, and nearly bedridden for weeks at a time. I have lost and gained weight. I have alienated people and lost all interest in things. I have even seen a decline in cognitive skills when stress had been at all time high. Recently the fibro symptoms have been getting worse. Because I have been exercising and eating right, I of course blame the changing of the seasons because, as we know, for many of us winter is the WORST. The cold kills me.

I dispute anyone who tries to debunk that fact, and PLEAD for more research to be done in that area!

Well,  I have just relieved myself of a stressful situation recently, and at first thought it I was just doing something good to relieve my intellectual battles. I was very aware that the constant state of frustration was making me crazy.  But I noticed today as I became empowered to take a trip to NH (I'm in Mass) and visit an old friend, had the energy to do dishes and some other housework and organizing...that I just felt great. Better.  I felt 20 pounds lighter and like a great burden had been lifted. 

The slowly increasing pain I've been having in my neck, the headache I have had for 5 weeks, and the jaw clenching....gone.
Albeit it may come back for other reasons, such is the nature of Fibro and CFS. But it was slowly taking its toll on my body, and I did not even notice.It was not enough to be a direct slap in the face or cripple me on the couch..but it was slowly sucking the life out of me. I was moving slower and slower, feeling older and weaker.
When I said 2 days ago "I'm done"....Poof! Gone!

Like magic!

Stress kills, cripples, changes who are and who you can be. Find ways to avoid it, relieve it, remove and reduce it from your daily life. It will only make you worse and I know you do not want to feel worse. Some of us really cannot carry any more on our shoulders than we already do. 

Hang in there! 

Much Love 

Dawn

My Five Fibro Stress Busters

Stress.

How I hate thee. Let me count the ways..

 For those of us with chronic pain stress can cause more debilitating pain than the everyday pain we already experience. 

I am not an expert, but I have found some key things to do that if done on a regular basis can help to reduce the amount of stress we encounter. Some stress in unavoidable no matter how hard you try and that’s where you need to develop some coping skills so you don’t end up in the bed for days at a time.  Ill touch on that later.

First: STOP WATCHING THE NEWS.

If you believe most of what you see, just stop completely. Everything is going to kill. You can’t eat anything or take anything without suffering serious consequences down the road. You will suspect that quiet neighbor or having someone locked in the basement and you will fear for entire state of the world if you try to keep up with current events. If you have a pretty good filter then LIMIT the exposure to the news. Instead of everyday, do midweek. Its far better to hear something from a friend at work and “Say wow I didn’t hear that”, and then let it go,  then to see it on the news, talk about it, think and dwell on it and take it with you to bed. We are inundated with bad news and it is very depressing. Even if you are unaware it can hang around there in the back of your psyche telling you what a sad state we are in. Children shooting teachers, health insurance and unemployment, cancer rates, the economy, hurricanes, overpopulation, chemicals and on and on and on…Enough already right? Lets dial back the crazy!

http://sekharg.hubpages.com/hub/How-TV-News-Channels-Increase-Stress-In-Life

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2198567/Heres-headline-Watching-news-make-ill.html

Second: REEVALUATE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Friends and relatives. Are they helping you up or pulling you down? Same as with the news….LIMIT your exposure to the “suckers”. I call them suckers because they drain you of everything you need. Energy, patience, dignity, sanity, and worst of all time. We don’t have a lot of time to throw it away on people who are unaware of how their constant demands or complaining can suck the life out of us. You don’t have to cut everyone off but take a serious inventory of how you feel mentally, emotionally and physically after you spend time with people and see who is a trigger for pain, or depression, headaches or fatigue. Let them know when you get together it can’t be 2 hours of complaining about life, parents, work and kids because it’s just not good for your health. Designate 20 minutes to vent about “whatever” then the rest of your time needs to be constructive and positive. Any true friend will understand.

 Now those pesky relatives. Much harder!! I know!  Try the same and then be prepares to stick to it. Take control of your environment. If they don’t honor your wishes you have to give a warning and follow through.

“If we can’t talk about something else, I’m going to have to leave”.

“This is going to stress me out so we need to change the subject”

“I am going to have to hang up if you keep…..but we can try again tomorrow”

“I love you but this is not good for my health and until you understand I cannot……”

“I do want to help you but THIS will make me sick with worry so can you brainstorm with me a different way to help you”

“I don’t want to have you over until you stop making me feel bad about…….”

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifelong-love/201303/relationships-and-stress

http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/causes-of-stress?page=2

Third: LEARN TO SAY NO.

Not a lot of explanation here. Don’t be the chauffeur and the therapist and the organizer. You cannot be all things to all people. Don’t take on too much for all your various reasons…only do what you head and body can handle. If you stretch yourself too thin you are no good to anyone in the first place. “I would love to but I can’t”.

No one will die if you don’t get the dishes or laundry done. So you make sure you all have clean underwear and forget the rest. If someone really needs something before you get on it, teach them how to load the washer or let them clean their own plate so they can eat. I REPEAT: NO ONE WILL DIE because you told your friend you can’t watch her kids, or you didn’t take out the recycling. Don’t get wrapped up in the baby mama drama, cheating, evictions, or the gossip from the daycare. It’s not good for you! So pace yourself and if you’re struggling, think about how important it really is on a scale from 1-10 and take it from there.

“Slow and steady wins the race”

Fourth: LET IT GO! Learn to let it go. Don’t stay angry or upset. Yes things suck, process it, and sit there in it for a MINUTE, then come up with a plan. If you can’t, then let it go. Come back to it later or get a second opinion. You make yourself sick by LETTING yourself stay in a negative state of thought. Life isn’t always easy but if you can deal with chronic pain you can deal with pretty much anything. Yell, cry or throw something (preferably something soft! No broken cell phones please!) and take that minute. But you have to let it go. You will get the headache, back and neck pain, tightness in the chest and the crinkle in the forehead because you can’t stop thinking about it. Find your Zen, phone a friend, lay in a dark room and imagine your happiest place. You HAVE to learn to let it go because it’s not good for you.

Fifth: AVOID YOUR TRIGGERS!

This is an assumption that you have already figured out some if not all of your triggers. I can’t stress enough that YOU have to limit all the things that make you feel bad. If you know you are going to have anxiety in a certain situation avoid it if you can. Some you can’t I know. Don’t skip the job interview or your doctor’s appointments of course. Why? Because, say it with me….THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU! If you can’t avoid them use a coping mechanism.

• If it’s going someplace new, bring a friend or even two friends. Call ahead and find out when it’s the slow time. Ask questions of a staff member or volunteer to put you at ease when you get there.
•  If its pain and shopping see if you can bring help, use the motorized cart or hire someone to run the errands. You can even barter with someone. Knit the neighbors kids some hats and mittens and she can grab you some things while she’s out. 
• See if there are any local stores that can have things delivered.
• If its food just don’t eat it. Find something else. Sometimes ‘moderation” is not even a choice. For years I felt like junk after drinking beer and I repeatedly said “It’s not a hangover!” Come to find out I have a sensitivity to brewer’s yeast. So after nine months of no beer I had just ONE at a cookout and for 2 days after I paid for it dearly! NO MORE BEER for me.  (And I don’t miss it, never really liked it anyway it was just for social reasons). Just ONE margarita with a few glasses of water I can do with no effects. Two margarita’s and the pain is through the roof. Too much caffeine, pain is through the roof. Chocolate gives me migraines. Doritos’ (before I quit them) gave me a headache and made me fall asleep hard after 15 minutes. Figure it out, once you do modify or stay away. 
• If your always in pain after sitting in the rocker, move to the couch, bet pillows or pads.

Since I have implemented these AND learned to let go of the guilt associated with it, I have been less stressed and sometimes even laugh at things while other people are stressing out. Not to be disrespectful but I say “There’s nothing you can do so don’t freak out. Take that energy and put it someplace else!”

There are other things you can do and many different ways to do it but you MUST believe that you and your health are important enough to decide to make the changes, and stand your ground. It’s a process and you can have setbacks. Setbacks are okay. Just keep going.

 YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

We Are Indefatigable!

How can we not be? We get up every day and take on a challenge the not a lot of people around us can understand. Many would ask to be stranded on the top of Mt Everest in the middle of the winter before they volunteered to take this on. We often complain and we are just in doing so. We are tired all the time. We hurt all the time. We have to keep going even when it truly feels like that is not even an option. Someone asked the other day “How do you explain the fatigue from fibro in contrast to the fatigue from a long day at work?” This was (part of) my answer:

“…when it’s fibro fatigue I want to sell my kids, divorce my husband, and sell my soul to be left alone to lay down and die”

So often we focus on the facts, and the facts are painful. There are a lot of things we can no longer do, or do less often. It has changed the way we eat and sleep. It has changed relationships and job status. Everyday experiences are more stressful, less enjoyable and quite often are avoided. It has changed the way people perceive us and even worse it has changed the way we perceive ourselves. It takes over every molecule of our being so it’s only natural to change along with it.

But the reality is we are stronger than these little bodies try to make us believe. I always call Fibro a cannibal because over the years that's the best way I have found to describe it. It eats away at you from the inside out and even gets you to destroy yourself. But you are MUCH stronger. Muscle weakness shmeakness I say. We are not special because we are ill. 

America is supposed to have the best health care, and by study after study you can clearly see we are the sickest and most unhealthy people anywhere.

. How many diseases, syndromes and conditions cause muscle weakness? How many cause unimaginable fatigue? How many change the way we live our lives? How many cause depression anxiety and mind numbing pain? Uuuuummmm a lot! In fact most of them. Even when you see the uber positive, crazy happy people…you all know one at least. They are never pessimistic or negative. The ones who SAY “I didn’t change anything… I am still a great wife, I still work, I still bike and I am kicking this thing in the teeth and I will not be held hostage by this”, well they still have changed. They change what they eat, the medications they take, or treatments they receive.  They change the circle of support they have to incorporate people who are also ill. And yes, that means they have changed. They adapted to the new body and like it or not they reach acceptance with it. You can say you will never accept it or you are still fighting it. I hear it all the time. I did it myself for a long time.

"I have learned nothing

I am not better off

Nothing good came out of this

I am not thankful for any of it

I wish I would die

No one knows what I feel like"

It’s a process, a long ever changing, difficult to master process.

But you did accept it, at least in part. The fact that you looked for answers means you accepted it. Looked for the right doctor, joined support groups and read books on it. You may not be happy about it but you know it’s there and you can’t deny it. But I say we are special, not because we are ill, but because we continue to live with illness. We could lay down and die, take a bunch of pills or  drive that car into the lake. But we don’t. We are indefatigable. 

We wake up everyday and do all over again that which cannot be done. We live every minute with something there seems to be no cure for. We live with people misunderstanding us, judging us, and telling us everything that’s different from what we used to be. We live everyday not knowing what our bodies will do next to betray us next. We live with the side effects and collateral damage. We live. We keep on living. We do anything and everything we can to get through each damned day and we do not rest until these bodies demand we rest, and even then we are NOT happy about it. There is always something else we would rather be doing. ALWAYS! How can that possibly mean we are any less than anyone else? We are not. You are not. I am not. I say it makes us stronger.

This is not a “think positive” speech because either you do, you don’t, or your working on it. But you can train your brain to work with you. To realize you are not less than anyone else. You have adapted to your conditions like the Red Squirrel, Arctic Fish or even us having 5 fingers. Adaptations are to help survive in harsh conditions and that’s what the body is doing. You are tired because your body needs that energy to fight off the invaders! That doesn’t make you lazy! What? You are adapting for crying out loud! Stop thinking of yourself as weak, tired, or incapable! And if you have to fake it till you make it…try this;

• Instead of saying: I was too tired
• Say: I chose not to do that today
• Instead of saying: It hurts too much
• Say: I’ll try it again later
• Instead of saying: I can’t
• Say: I don’t want to right now
• Instead of saying: That always causes a flare
• Say: that’s not the best thing for me
• Instead of saying: I wish it would just go away
• Say: Someday it will hurt less, I can wait
• Instead of saying: Why is this happening to me
• Say: I will learn to listen to my body
• Instead of saying: No one knows what I feel like
• Say: There are a lot of people going through the same thing, boy are we strong

Retrain your brain! 

Dum dum dum dum dum...”I pick things and put them down” HA sorry,  I had to.

If all you can do fake it, then fake it!! You know you have already had a lot of practice faking plenty of things like..oh, lets see, do I need to make a list? Naa, Im done with list making for today. But I will leave you with one, The biggest fake out perpetrated by you and everyone with chronic pain and illness..

"I’m  Fine"

So drop the fine and declare that you are adaptable, capable, and Friggin’A you are 

Indefatigable!!

Make a Small Change. You Will Not Die!!

I have to remind you guys how important it is to take care of these fragile bodies we have. Just like dominoes, when one thing gets unbalanced, so does another and another and before we know it we don't know where to start, what is wrong, or why it is happening. For some it may be walking 15 minutes instead of 10. Others may need to cut back on the coffee or sweets. Some may really need to take 30 minutes to try to learn or perfect meditation. And maybe its more (organic!) fruits and veggies?!

But if you think deeply and honestly for just a few minutes I think you can see one or more places that you can make a little change. A change that may really pay off in the long run.

 YOU wont die with one less trip through the drive thru, or less sugar in your tea. You wont die if you add 2 minutes to your normal exercise or stretching routine.Just try it. Find something. Give it some time and see if it helps. If not, try something else. We cant pick up one random card and expect it to make a full deck but at least you are being proactive. At least it's one step in taking some control back and you have to feel good about that. Being positive is less exhausting than being negative and lets face it..you know you are exhausted enough already! 

God didn't give me Fibromyalgia

"God doesn't give you more than you can handle"

I just saw one person post this to another person who was sharing some bad news of new diagnosis'.
Although it is a standard and sincere response to bad or overwhelming news, I think it's not true. In fact there are plenty of people who can't handle it and end up on heavy meds, committing suicide, divorcing and isolating friends and family, lose their job and have no money for medical bills and become crippled by illness or trauma,  and yes, some just go crazy. Some people really go crazy. And that is life.

You hope you are strong enough, you hope there is a reason, and you have faith that you will survive, come out stronger and even maybe learn something. So to say "God doesn't give you more than you can handle"  I think is not something I personally want to hear.
Tell me please that you think I am strong enough to get through it.
Tell me you think I am smart enough to figure something out. Tell me you think I am determined enough to find a better way                            and maybe teach somebody else something useful along the way. Ask me exactly what I want to hear from you that will help, and then say that. 

Because I do believe in God, but I do not believe he gave me Fibromyalgia

Boston bombings=Boston Strong

I did not want to join the millions blogging and posting about the Boston marathon bombings. I still don't so I will keep this brief.

I found this and was immediately teary eyed because someone was able to put into words what I have been feeling for a week. Looking for motivational quotes for Facebook pages led me to this...who knew I'd be compelled to post about something so tragic..but I have to tell you a little about what has been going on. We know how severe pain can be all because of stress. I am a huge example of that, time has shown my body refuses to move if I can't control my stress level. No if and's or but's about it. Stress can cripple someone without fibro!
Anyway to my point... I am from Boston, and a runner when my body allows. Although I was safe and sound at home having turned down an invite to go watch (thankfully!) the bombing left me stressed and distressed in a way I have not felt since 9-11. I have had a lot on my plate, emotionally, physically, and mentally. This attack added an additional struggle for me intellectually and morally. How, why, and also  trying to explain it to my kids in a way that did not scare them...it was shutting me down. I was tired, sad, hurting, alienated friends, dismissed my husband, took no supplements, ate crap food, had trouble sleeping, and even housework fell by the wayside because I simply could focus and get myself together. The relief I feel with the capture is like 100 pounds lifted off my shoulders.
Although I have much to complain about, I have more to be thankful for and my pain seems bearable compared to those directly effected. I cannot imagine, nor even pretend to, what those families and victims are going through. How long it takes to pick the pieces up and move forward. But I cannot dwell on it for fear of crying in bed everyday. Having empathy is supposed to be a great and admirable human quality but sometimes it causes pain too great.

 To hurt so badly for a person you may never even meet, for your city, and for a family, is both a blessing and a curse. 

I'm not just tired, I'm "Fired"~Fibro-Tired

Tired of the backache
Tired of the heating pad
Tired of  silencing my moans getting up off the couch
Tired of pulled muscles
Tired of ringing in my ears
Tired of muscle stiffness
Tired of popping pills
Tired of neck pain
Tired of complaining
Tired of forgetting where I was going
Tired of feeling weak
Tired of simple chores taking hours and days
Tired of  not being able to focus
Tired of  not being able to sleep
Tired of  not being able to wake up
Tired of explaining
Tired of simple tasks causing pain that lasts for days
Tired of  the headache
Tired of  the burning
Tired of cancelling plans
Tired of the doctors office
Tired of  the muscle spasms
Tired of   forgetting what I was saying
Tired of  moving
Tired of  of staying still
Tired of  feeling guilty
Tired of  having to be strong
Tired of the vision problems
Tired of walking like an 150 old person
Tired of the anxiety
Tired of ALL the pain

Tired of being Fired